A few weeks ago, I saw a TV commercial ad for eHarmony saying I could get a free personality profile. With my human bio major, I dig those kinda things. So I went to the site and answered the countless questions. The profiles on my and my preferred mate seemed pretty good. I didn’t intend to really use eHarmony as a dating service, though.

But then a friend talked about a guy she was digging after getting matched on another dating service. This is the same friend who convinced me to get a cat, so I trust her judgment. :)

Some of the things that eHarmony helps with are things that take time to know in the offline world of dating. Such as:

  • Is he single or available?
  • Is he religious?
  • What does he do?
  • Is he even interested in me?

Unlike other dating sites, where people seek out profiles, eHarmony makes the matches based on their “rigorous 29 Dimensions scale”. Only people who have been “matched” can communicate with each other. That means no messages from totally random guys. 8) The matches eHarmony has sent me have been the types I would prefer: taller than me, educated, not religious. To address the fourth question above, I only communicate with guys who initiate communication. That is, I don’t make the first move. I have a theory that relationships are more likely to work when the male is the one that wants it to work, no matter how much the woman wants it (or not).

After a guy shows interest in communication, I read his profile and check out photos if available. If I am interested, I go to the next step, which is to answer a few multiple choice questions that allow write-in answers. I then send my questions to the guy. If things are still going well past this part, we exchange our lists of Must Haves & Can’t Stands… in a partner. If that part is okay, the next is to answer 3 open-ended questions. So that is about as far as I have gotten. I have answered open-ended questions for a few guys. It’s my turn to send them my questions. I don’t know what to ask yet. There are suggested questions we can ask. I’ll have to wait til the mood hits me.

Of course, online dating lacks the things that help in the offline world, such as knowing if there’s chemistry. It’s hard to know from a profile if there could be a connection. To keep things manageable, I’ve decided to require photos from the get-go. It seems someone who doesn’t show their photo until later steps is hiding something and it’s a waste of everybody’s time. I don’t want or need a totally hot guy… if anything, those guys are hard to trust. But I do need to be attracted to someone I’m dating, or at least not be unattracted :P.

11 thoughts on “eHarmony”

  1. Yes, it is a lot of trouble. But in a way, it simplifies things. No need to wonder if the person is available, interested, or religious. Knowing those things can nip things in the bud.

    Here’s the thing… I really like someone… in real life. But all I know is that he’s available. I might be able to overlook the religion part if he could, if we happen to differ. I just can’t tell if he is interested. That’s part of the reason why I signed up for eHarmony… to move on. But I still really like him. That’s very unusual for me since I tend to lose interest within a couple of weeks if it’s not reciprocated. None of the other guys can make me forget him… not even all the guys I encounter during the course of the day working in a Silicon Valley company.

  2. There was this cute guy that I would have liked to contact but you know how I said I wouldn’t be the iniator. Well, he finally started communications and things were going well and quickly… we finished the early rounds in one day. But then it got to the point where he sent me the open-ended questions. One of them asked what would my ex’s say about me.

    I don’t know… that kind of raised a red flag for me for some reason. I could write good stuff they would say but what’s the point of asking that kind of question? So I guess I’ll drop that match. There’s always something wrong with them… even the cute ones. :P

  3. You know, there’s nothing wrong with holding out for what you want, but I’m not quite so sure I agree with the “man needs to initiate” theory. I understand why a lot of women prefer this method – it shows that the guy is interested, shows he has initiative, and there is a better likelihood that his interest will sustain. Have you done what you can do to show that you’re available and open?

  4. The end of my first month’s subscription is coming in a few days. I have set my account not to renew. There’s no one there who has grabbed my interest enough to motivate me to pay for another month’s subscription so that I can continue to communicate with matches.

    I hope eHarmony doesn’t delete my account or anything, and just leave it the way it was before I got the paid subscription. Who knows, I might be more emanable to this in the future. I don’t want to redo the profile quiz. :P

  5. hi thu. long time no see… =) if i may shed some light as to why you’re so attracted to this guy in real life… it’s because he’s confident and is a challenge. if he gave in and showed that he’s interested too soon, then it’s game over.

    it’s no fun if you knew he was interested because then he’d be so much easier to figure out… there’s no more mystery or anticipation and you move on.

    hey, i heard on the news the other day that some guy sued eharmony because they couldn’t find him a perfect soul mate or something like that. go figure. =)

  6. Hi Cindy,

    Thanks for stopping by. :)

    I guess I’m not like other people… I actually lost interest when I thought he wasn’t interested. I really don’t like to play games like that. That probably explains why I remained single for so long…

  7. Came across my bookmark for your site and found your blog much updated. Saw your post on eHarmony and had to comment. I signed up and met someone several states away. Just moved her out to my neck of the woods last month and things are going quite well. I suppose several factors outside of eHarmonh contributed to the relationship taking off but as far as online dating services go they really did weed out the chaff up front. I know this post is a few months old, maybe you have had luck with your mystery beau?

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