If only I had a missile launcher on my car…

Since I can’t install a missile launcher on my car to rid the world of bad drivers, I’ll express my road rage here. :rocket: I don’t profess to be a perfect driver; I make mistakes. However, there is a difference between mistakes and bad habits.Let me list the ways that drivers piss me off, in no particular order. I distinguish [color=gray]my thoughts to look like this[/color], so it’s not necessarily directed at you the reader:

- driving too slowly. [color=gray]Buddy, if your car is too crappy to keep up, or you’re afraid to drive, stay off the road, or at least the freeway![/color] Instead of a carpool lane, which is infested with slow minivan drivers anyway, there should be a speeder’s lane. A huge peeve is people going the speed limit (or slower!) in the fast lane. [color=gray]If you’re afraid of getting a ticket, get out of the way![/color]

- not turning on the lights when there is low visibility, such as fog, rain, or cloudy weather. [color=gray]Dude, just because it’s daytime and you can see in front of you, it doesn’t mean I can see you through my dew-covered back window.[/color]

- SUV drivers who drive with the mentality, “What are you going to do? Hit me?” [color=gray]Well, buddy, you’re lucky I don’t have a missile launcher.[/color] And when I see those guys with the really big trucks: [color=gray]Then again, maybe I should pity you for having such a small phallus that you have to overcompensate with an oversized vehicle.[/color]

- depth perception problems: some people hit the brakes although there’s absolutely no one in front of them, and no police around. Or, they make a left across my path and I must slow down to avoid hitting them.

- people who disrespect my right-of-way (when they come out of a driveway, or turn right on their red when I have the green going straight), and then have the nerve to go slow. [color=gray]Dude, if you’re going to be rude enough to dart in front of someone, might as well speed.[/color]

- can’t stay within the lines. A few years ago there was a commercial where they had kids in school saying, “stay within the lines” as they colored. The car company extolled the virtue of a car that didn’t have to stay within the lines, ie, off road. Damn that concept. Cars should stay within their lanes.

- people who don’t signal when they change lanes, but instead creep across. Talk about passive-aggressive. But sometimes it’s hard to disinguish these drivers from the previous group.

- people who don’t stop for emergency vehicles with sirens on. [color=gray]Shoot, one of these days, it’s going to be your house burning, or you having a heart attack waiting for help to arrive.[/color]

- incompetent multi-taskers. Some people can’t walk and chew gum; some people can’t drive and talk on the cell phone. People think that driving and talking are two different activities using separate resources. Although they use difference senses, they share processing power. Some people just don’t have that much processing power to spare, like the computers from 10 years ago. For those people, hands-free headsets are useless.

- illiterate drivers. [color=gray]The sign said no U-turn! Oh, wait, those aren’t words, just pictures. What’s it called when someone can’t read pictures?![/color]

Whew! I feel better already.

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